Feedback That Works: How to Actually Change Behaviour

You've built your business from the ground up, and you know how critical your team is to everything you do. But as you grow, you'll inevitably face moments where someone isn't performing as you expect, or a key task isn't handled quite right. Your first instinct is often to give feedback, hoping to course-correct.

The challenge is, feedback often feels like shouting into a void. You say something, and nothing really changes. The same issues pop up again, and you're left wondering if your words even landed. This isn't just frustrating; it holds your business back, costing you time, money, and momentum.

When feedback doesn't work, small issues become big problems. Missed deadlines, inconsistent quality, or recurring errors erode trust and efficiency. Learning to give feedback that genuinely changes behaviour is one of the most powerful skills you can develop as a founder, directly impacting your bottom line and your team's growth.

The Core Idea: Feedback for Growth, Not Judgment

The core idea behind feedback that truly changes behaviour is simple: it's not about judgment, it's about growth. You're not just pointing out a mistake; you're offering a path to improvement. Think of it as a clear instruction manual for future actions, delivered with respect and a focus on solving a problem together.

Effective feedback is specific, timely, kind, and direct. It separates the person from the problem, focuses on observable actions and their impact, and always ends with a clear path forward. If you leave a conversation without a clear next step or a shared understanding of what needs to change, it wasn't effective feedback. Your goal isn't just to make a point, but to see a measurable shift in how things are done.

Your Step-by-Step Approach to Changing Behaviour

When you need to give feedback, follow these steps. The idea is to move from a specific observation to a shared solution.

1. Get Your Facts Straight: What Happened, When?

Before you say anything, be absolutely clear about the specific behaviour you observed. Avoid general statements or bringing up old issues. Focus on one, recent instance. What exactly did you see or hear? When did it happen? For example, instead of thinking "Tunde is always disorganised," think specifically: "On Tuesday, Tunde sent a customer a quote for a bulk order of sandals, but he forgot to include the delivery cost, even though we discussed it in our morning meeting."

2. Describe the Behaviour: Stick to the Observable

When you talk to your team member, describe what they did or said, not what you think about them. This keeps the feedback objective and less likely to feel like a personal attack. Use neutral language. Start with a clear statement of the situation and then describe the action. For instance, you might say: "Tunde, on Tuesday afternoon, when you sent the quote to Mrs. Alabi for the 20 pairs of sandals, the total amount listed was N350,000. The quote didn't show the N15,000 charge for express delivery to Ibadan, which we calculated earlier."

3. Explain the Impact: Why It Matters to the Business

This is where you connect their action directly to a consequence for the business, the team, or the customer. Make it tangible. People are more likely to change if they understand why the change is important and how it affects the bigger picture. Clearly link the behaviour to its effect, for example: "Because the delivery cost wasn't included, Mrs. Alabi thought the total was N350,000. When we later added the N15,000, she was surprised and a bit upset, which almost made us lose the sale. It also meant extra phone calls and emails to clarify, which took time away from other customer inquiries."

4. Listen and Understand: Their Perspective

After you've described the situation, behaviour, and impact, stop talking. Give the person a chance to respond and explain their side. Ask open-ended questions like, "Can you help me understand what happened with that quote?" or "What was going through your mind at that point?" This step is critical because it uncovers the root cause of the behaviour. Maybe they misunderstood an instruction, faced a technical issue, or were dealing with a personal emergency. Listen carefully; don't interrupt. Let them fully explain. Their explanation might reveal a process gap or a training need you weren't aware of. Listening builds trust and helps you co-create a realistic solution.

5. Co-Create a Solution: What Will Change?

This is where you work with them to figure out what needs to happen differently in the future. Avoid just telling them what to do. When people are involved in finding the solution, they are much more committed to implementing it. Start with questions like, "What do you think you can do differently next time to ensure all costs are included?" or "What support do you need from me or the team to prevent this from happening again?" If they struggle, offer suggestions such as, "Perhaps we could have a checklist for all bulk quotes?" or "Maybe you could double-check with a colleague before sending large quotes?" Agree on a clear action. For example, when building commerce platforms like OPNMRT for sellers who run their businesses via DMs, I often build in a "final review" step before a quote or order is sent. You could implement a similar personal checklist. Conclude with a clear agreement: "So, we agree that before sending any quote, you'll use the new quote checklist to ensure all costs, including delivery, are explicitly listed and confirmed by you. Does that sound workable?"

6. Follow Up: Reinforce and Review

Behaviour change doesn't happen overnight. Schedule a follow-up to check on their progress. Acknowledge and praise improvements. If the behaviour hasn't changed, revisit the conversation, perhaps exploring different solutions or offering more support. You might say, "I'll check in next Tuesday to see how the new quote checklist is working for you." A week later, you could follow up with, "Tunde, I noticed you've used the quote checklist on all three bulk orders this week, and everything was perfectly in order. Great job, that really helps our customers trust us."

Common Mistakes Founders Make and How to Avoid Them

Even with good intentions, feedback can go wrong. Here are some common pitfalls and how to steer clear.

Mistake 1: Waiting Too Long

The Problem: You see an issue, but you're busy, or you hope it will resolve itself. By the time you address it, the behaviour has become ingrained, or the impact is much larger.

How to Avoid It: Give feedback as close to the event as possible. The sooner you address it, the clearer the memory for everyone, and the easier it is to course-correct. For instance, in Lagos, where logistics can be unpredictable and customer expectations are high, a small delay in updating a delivery status on a hypothetical delivery tracking platform can quickly lead to a frustrated customer calling your agents, tying up resources. Timely feedback ensures these small delays don't snowball.

Mistake 2: Being Vague or General

The Problem: You say, "You need to be more proactive," or "Your communication isn't great." These statements don't give the person anything specific to change.

How to Avoid It: Always use the "What happened, when, and what was the impact" approach. Instead of "Your reports are always late," say, "The sales report for Q3 was due on Friday at 5 PM, but I received it on Monday morning. This delayed our team meeting to discuss strategy for the next quarter."

Mistake 3: Making It Personal or Emotional

The Problem: You start with "You are lazy" or "You always mess things up." This puts people on the defensive, shuts down communication, and damages trust.

How to Avoid It: Focus on the behaviour, not the person's character. Use "I" statements to describe the impact on you or the business, rather than "You always" or "You never." For example, "When the customer order wasn't processed correctly, I felt concerned that we might lose their business," instead of "You made a mistake and now we're losing customers."

Mistake 4: Not Listening

The Problem: You deliver your feedback, and then immediately move on without giving the other person a chance to speak or explain.

How to Avoid It: Make space for their perspective. Ask open-ended questions and genuinely listen to their response. Sometimes, what looks like poor performance is actually a symptom of a larger systemic issue, a lack of resources, or a misunderstanding. Listening builds trust and helps you solve the root problem, not just the symptom.

Mistake 5: Not Having a Clear Next Step

The Problem: You've pointed out the issue, discussed it, but there's no clear agreement on what will happen next. Both parties walk away knowing there's a problem, but not how to fix it.

How to Avoid It: Always end the conversation with a specific, agreed-upon action plan. What exactly will the person do differently? By when? How will you know if it's working? This clarity ensures accountability and provides a roadmap for change.

Mistake 6: Not Following Up

The Problem: You have the feedback conversation, agree on next steps, and then never check in again. This signals that the issue wasn't that important, or that you don't care about their growth.

How to Avoid It: Schedule a brief follow-up. This reinforces positive change and provides an opportunity to offer further support if needed. It shows you're committed to their development and the success of the business.

Checklist for Effective Feedback

Before your next feedback conversation, run through this quick checklist:

• Is the feedback specific? (What happened, when?)
• Is it focused on behaviour, not personality?
• Have I clearly explained the impact on the business, team, or customer?
• Have I prepared to listen to their perspective without interrupting?
• Is there an agreed-upon, concrete next step for future action?
• Do I have a plan to follow up and review progress?

What I'd do this week

1. Identify One Behaviour: Think about your team. Is there one recurring behaviour that's holding things back or causing friction? Pick just one, recent instance.
2. Prepare Your Feedback: Using the steps above, map out your conversation. What specific behaviour will you address? What was the impact? What questions will you ask to understand their perspective?
3. Schedule a Private Conversation: Find a quiet time to talk. Keep it focused on the specific issue, listen deeply, and work together to find a clear, actionable solution.

Giving feedback is a skill that takes practice, but it's one of the most direct ways to shape your team's performance and build a culture of continuous improvement. When done right, it strengthens relationships and moves your business forward, one changed behaviour at a time. It's about helping your people grow, and in turn, helping your business grow. Start small, be consistent, and you'll see the difference.

— Samuel